ROU Xenophobe's Pot Roast

Here is mine, with ingredients as exact as you will need them to be:

INGREDIENTS

(1) Electric skillet w/lid.
(2) A piece of meat. I recommend a rump roast. They're all 3--6 pounds.
(3) A bag o' baby carrots, opened.
(4) A nonion, chopped up.
(5) Some celery. Any amount you buy will be more than you need.
(6) Two 1-quart tetrapaks of good quality beef broth

INSTRUCTIONS:

(1) Turn on the skillet and let it get real fuckin' hot.'
(2) Take the meat out of the container and dump it in the skillet. Brown all sides, well. Really, no shit. Brown them more than you think you need to. Remove to a plate.
(3) Dump carrots, a couple ribs o' celery, onion into the pan. Cook them a bit if it makes you feel better; you're about to cook the living shit out of them. Add some other spices if you like, whatever smells good to you. Sage, maybe. Or some cayenne if you likes your food a bit spicy. Whatever floats your boat. A bit o' salt 'n' pepa is always nice too.
(4) PUT. ZE CANDLE. BECK. Erm. That is, put the meat back.
(5) Pour in some beef broth so it's going partway up the meat.
(6) Turn the heat down to 180--200 or so, put the lid on, and walk away.
(7) Check on the meat every 20 minutes or so and top up the broth when it runs low. When you check on it, you want the broth a little more than simmering but not full-on boiling. Add more broth when what's there has turned into sort of a runny goo. If you get through both quarts, you will have truly badass gravy, which is good.
(8) When it seems done (2 hours or thereabout), take the meat out and put on a plate to rest. Pour the pan drippings through a strainer into a bowl, and then dump the bowl back into the skillet. Add some water, like a couple-three cups, and some spices, again whatever smells good to you, or nothing at all. In a coffee cup, mix a couple-few tablespoons of corn starch with a like amount of water and stir with a fork. When the juicy-water in the skillet is bubblin' pour in a smidge of the cornstarch-water mix and stir in, ideally w/ a nonstick-safe whisk. Repeat until the gravy is almost but not quite as thick as you want it -- it'll continue to thicken a bit.
(9) Eat the used-up carrots. They're better than candy.
(10) Cut the meat against the grain, so that the fibers are short.

EAT IT UP YUM.

Egg noodles are fine, but really dangerous people eat pot roast with mashed po-ta-toes.
posted by ROU Xenophobe 27 November | 22:31